YGA: What are the feelings you have about being in the closet?
MATT: I’m kind of torn about that. I mean, I’d love to come out to everyone and show them that this is who I am, it would explain alot to people, (girls would quit asking me out all the time and people would quit asking why I don’t have a girlfriend) and It would definately be easier to have a boyfriend if I come out, but then again, I don’t want to go through all the judgement. I don’t get along with the the most homophobic of people as it is, so I know I have nothing to lose with them, but other people who i respect might not respect me anymore.
YGA: Do you feel like you are living a lie?
MATT: I don’t feel any guilt about not telling people that I’m gay, because I actually do tell most of my close friends. Sometimes if someone who isn’t a good friend asks me if I am, and I say know because I don’t know if I can trust them yet, I feel bad about lying to them, but I don’t feel bad about lying to anyone who would judge me for it. Sometimes, when people start to get the idea that I might be gay (since I turn down every girl who asks me out and don’t seem interested in any of them, even though everyone tells me they’re so hot) I actually get mad at myself for not hiding it good enough.
YGA: Do you think your parents will take it well?
MATT: Well, my mom is a pretty religious Catholic and all of her family is, but they’re liberal Catholics in a sense, and they would support me no matter what. My dad is Agnostic so he doesn’t even have any religous problems with gay people. I just can’t bring myself to tell them though… I don’t know why.
YGA: What are you afraid of most?
MATT: I guess overall, I’m more afraid of going to Hell than anything else. I don’t even believe in hell, and I don’t believe that being gay is a sin, so it’s not like I should be afraid of that… I just worry sometimes that maybe all my own philosophies are wrong and the most conservative Christians are right. That scares me. I don’t usually think about it, though.
YGA: What do you wish for more than anything else?
MATT: Right now I want a boyfriend more than anything in the world. I’ve had some chances to have one, but it wasn’t the right guy or the right situation. Having a boyfriend is my biggest incentive to come out, but if there’s any chance I can have a boyfriend without coming out, I’ll put coming out off.
YGA: Do you have anyone you can talk to about coming out?
MATT: Online I have lots of people to talk to, and close friends. I really wish I could come out to some gay people in person at my school or something, but there just aren’t any gay people at my school who have come out.
YGA: What do you think coming out of the closet will bring you?
MATT: A boyfriend hopefully! And it would be easier to be able to tell the truth and not keep secrets anymore.
YGA: How has the internet helped you find out about yourself and start the process of coming out?
MATT: Being able to talk to people online first gave me the chance to actually say the words to someone “I AM GAY” and see how it felt. It got me used to the idea and made me realize how much I want to be in a real relationship, which is the sole factor pushing me to come out to everone I have so far.
YGA: What other resources if any have you used? I.E. books, counseling, pamphlets, help lines, TV shows, porn etc etc
MATT: When I was like 13 I used to go to some porn sites… just browsing around and liking some of it but finding most of it to be really gross. I find it pointless now since it doesn’t get me anywhere, and I don’t like thinking of myself as someone who looks at porn so don’t anymore. There’s really no other sources I can think of where I could stay anonymous.
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